Most women don’t know how to apply make-up very well. While this cosmetic incompetence is divine for my job security, it has also inspires me to ponder the existence of a Make-up Gene.
Indeed, there seems to be an assumption on the part of many grown-ups that girl babies emerge from the womb knowing how to apply make-up. The beauty industry runs with this notion, giving its consumers a ton of choice, but very little to go on in terms of how to use the stuff, leading to lots of unwise purchases and even more frustration.
“My mother never taught me,” is the excuse I hear most often from women about why they’re god-awful with make-up. The accused, who probably had no time to bathe let alone to apply lipstick, takes the blame yet again for an alleged deficit in her child. This is why I have cats.
I also have four brothers and no sisters, and my mother never once attempted to teach me anything about make-up. She was the sort who would go into a department store and proceed to stick her finger into every unchaperoned eye shadow tester, then smoosh it onto her lid (an unsanitary practice that to this day provokes me to breathe into a paper bag). It’s not your mother’s fault – get over it.
My mother was a writer, but she also produced beautiful watercolors on a whim, designed and made a lot of her own clothing, and decorated her house enchantingly with flea market/curbside treasures. My father is an architect who could have as easily been a painter or sculptor. Perhaps I picked up an Art Gene from them, but don’t think I can do much else besides paint faces. I’ve had occasional success with line drawings intended to make fun of people, but that’s about it.
In conclusion, I do not support the idea of a Make-up Gene and I don’t want to hear another word about it. Nor do I want you to feel bad because you’re not awesome at applying make-up. I’m sure you’re awesome at many way more important things, like running a company, inspiring others and driving safely. Besides, I can help you improve your make-up application situation. Call me.