Self-tantalizing …

Provocative title, no?  Actually, what I mean to talk about is a self-tanning product that I quite love.

Self-tanners come in several forms, but whether a lotion, gel, foam, spray or wipe, they are mostly messy, smelly and sticky. They’re also difficult to use properly, because to apply successfully, you need to be an exfoliated, patient person with an artistic flair who is motivated to be sleek, tan and hairless.

I used to be that person, but no longer have the excess hormones required to give a crap about looking totally hot in a bathing suit.  Now I just want turn my skin down a few watts with as little trouble as possible.

I could opt for a spray tan from a Fake Tan Professional. This would require standing in a cold space, in front of a stranger, in nothing but a paper thong, while she (most likely) wages an aerosol assault on my dignity.   A lot of my bridal clients opt for this service.  They have tons of hormones and are planning beach honeymoons.

Speaking of beaches, St. Tropez (yes, a glamorous destination, but also a company that manufactures well-regarded self-tanning products) has come up with what I consider a dream strategy to avoid wearing long pants all summer.  It is the genius of St. Tropez Gradual Tan In-Shower Tanning Lotion.

You spread this mild smelling lotion onto clean, wet skin in the warmth and privacy of your own shower.   You now have to remain damp and lotion-y for three minutes (I keep a kitchen timer nearby) before lightly rinsing and patting dry. Here are some suggestions for what to do in those three minutes:

  1.  Sing “The Girl from Ipanema” – twice
  2.  Do 90 Kegel exercises
  3.  Think about which country you’re going to move to after the 2016 Presidential elections

Practically, you could apply a hair mask and shave your underarms.  Afterward, get dressed, don’t get dressed, whatever you need/want to do, but you will not be sticky, smelly or streaky.  And, over time, you will develop an even, light-to-medium tan.  Brilliant product… give it a try and let me know if you worship it like I do.

2 thoughts on “Self-tantalizing …

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.